1. My all-time favorite movies are: One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Friday, Pretty Woman, 40 Year-old Virgin, the Fisher King, 9 ½ weeks and Two Moon Junction.
2. As a child, my parents never had me to join any type of dance, music or art classes. I never played sports, although my father was a race car driver.
3. My mom died when I was 26, she never really liked children. She nicknamed me ‘whore’ when I was 6.
4. I was four years old when my grandpa had a major heart attack while we were walking through the park. I somehow found my way back to grandma’s house and saved his life.
5. I was deathly allergic to milk, chocolate and pussy willow trees as a child.
6. I have eaten something with cheese everyday for the last year.
7. I gave CPR to a cat once but would never do that to a person.
8. As a child, I was a real pervert. I would only let other kids play with me if they were topless.
9. My father was my best friend growing up, and I developed a propensity to cuss from hanging around him and his buddies.
10. I saw a UFO when I was 13 with my brother. We were so scared we didn’t sleep for days.
11. I was invited to join the Mensa Think Tank Team when I was in 4th grade.
12. I studied French for 3 years and Spanish for 4 years. I can say FUCK YOU in 5 languages.
13. I white-water rafted with my family in the Smokey Mountains one hour before my brother’s wedding.
14. I attended a hippy fest when I was 23, where I smoked a joint laced with red-rock opium and cocaine and freaked myself out because I swore my one leg was growing longer than the other.
15. I raised several thousand dollars in two days to give one of my bar “regulars” a proper funeral. I served him the last beer he ever drank the night he died. He left me a huge tip, I owed him.
16. I have an adult toy fascination. I had to buy a large Craftsman toolbox for use as my adult toybox.
17. I caught my father’s house on fire twice, both times trying to cook dinner.
18. My friend’s think I have a penis fetish. I have 20 cacti in my house, they might be right.
19. I played Spin the Bottle with 13 people that ended in a naked love fest. A lesbian sucked the ball out of my belly ring, I never recovered it.
20. I once smoked a cigar with George Jones at the Steakhouse I worked at and he frequented in Nashville, TN.
21. My favorite month is August because I think the smell of hot dry grassy areas smell like sperm.
22. I have been to Toronto, Canada, Tijuana and Cancun Mexico but no other foreign countries. I have been to 26 of the 50 United States. I try to have sex on each trip instead of buying a souvenir.
23. I love to get dirty…seriously. I love to landscape and dig right into the dirt and be one with the earth.
24. I once had sex in a gas station in Washington D.C. I had pictures of my boobs taken in the Library of Congress.
25. I was obsessed with the religion and the PTL club when I was 5 years old, writing I LOVE GOD everywhere I could.
26. I still have my very first stuffed toy, a little clown with a red-striped suit.
27. My family was too busy to attend my high school graduation, so I skipped it and spent the day with one of my best friends who needed to go to summer school to graduate. I bought a Penis Beer Can holder, a case of Busch Light and we got tattoos while I should have been graduating with Honors at a local church.
28. I obtained a fake ID when I was a senior in high school that made me 21. I missed 38 days of school that year because of hangovers. I still maintained a 3.8 GPA and was nominated to Buckeye Girl’s State by my unsuspecting teachers.
29. I won the top speaker award at a debate tournament even though we never won a single round because my partner had a horrible Speech impediment caused by a hole in the roof of her mouth.
30. My favorite places to shop are: World Market, Lowe’s, eBay and the Goodwill, I haven’t been to a mall in 3 years.
31. I cannot stand people who are hypocrites or think they own other people. I hate it when they introduce their spouse as MY HUSBAND. Does he have a name or is that your way of pissing on him to mark your territory?
32. My first crush was on Danny White, then the Quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.
33. I have never been to New York City or Las Vegas in fear I would love it so much that I would never come back.
34. The first time I had sex with a girl was when I was 25, she wined and dined me for months before I ever had enough guts to let her please me. I liked it, we did it again (and again and again).
35. My goal is to have sex with 100 people before I die. I am 6 shy of reaching that goal.
36. I smuggled steroids from Mexico in the brake light compartment of my rented Volvo for my boyfriend. Men on steroids are insane. I got sick of his ‘roid rage’ and him constantly eating chicken. He got big muscles, I got the fuck out.
37. My gynecologist prescribes me Xanax.
38. I have never been able to be faithful in a relationship, ever.
39. I have had sex in over a dozen local bar bathrooms.
40. I never watch TV. I cannot sit still long enough and I hate having a ‘schedule’ of what and when some studio decides to entertain me.

41. My Serbian family drinks Slivovitz, a plum brandy that is like liquid cocaine.
42. I have learned to live without guilt by learning the art of self-justification.
43. I have an extreme fear of attachments.
44. I have an even more extreme fear of commitments.
45. I never took someone’s virginity.
46. I spent two weeks in a stress management ward with the mentally unstable. I loved it there.
47. I could and have had fun in every possible scenario. I make the best out of whatever life throws my way and learn from all my mistakes and mishaps.
48. I once gave a man oral sex for a down payment on a car.
49. My favorite weekend jaunt is to drive to Amish Country for Wine, Cheese and shopping. Amish people are wilder that you’d think.
50. I don’t ever want to grow up or old.