Just when you thought you weren't a criminal... have you broke the law? I bet you have.
51 REALLY STUPID SEX LAWS!!
Alabama- Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate (LEGITIMATE WHAT?)
Alaska- It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose (SORRY TIFFANY, NO BEER FOR YOU!!)
Arizona- It's illegal to have more than 2 dildos in a house (I WOULD PROUDLY BE A CRIMINAL THERE!)
Arkansas- A man can legally beat his wife, but no more than once a month (SWEET! BILL, BEAT HILLARY FOR ME!)
California- In L.A., a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than 2 inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap (YES, IN THE LAND OF PORN, THERE ARE STILL STUPID SEX LAWS!)
Colorado- It is still illegal to kiss a woman while she is asleep (WHAT IF SHE IS JUST PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP TO GET OUT OF FUCKING HIM?)
Conneticut- It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday (WTF?)
Delaware- It's illegal to show an "R" rated movie at a drive in theater (THEN WHY GO?)
Florida- It is illegal to have sex with a porcupine (MMMMKAY!)
Georgia- All sex toys are banned, so is sodomy and oral sex (THE PEACH STATE HATES THE PEACH??)
Hawaii- A husband or wife who deserted a spouse and failed to reconcile could be given a month of hard labor. Second offense was a year of hard labor (AS IF MARRIAGE ISN'T HARD LABOR!)
Idaho- If a cop suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene (THANK YOU OFFICER!)
Illinois- There is a law that prohibits a public erection (A WOODY BAN!)
Indiana- It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public (WHAT ABOUT A WOMAN?)
Iowa- It is against the law to kiss for more than five minutes (SHOULD BE LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES)
Kansas- Anal sex is punishable by a maximum six-month prison term (IN WHICH CASE THEY MAY GET UNLIMITED ANAL SEX WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT!)
Kentucky- It is better to GIVE than to RECEIVE as it is illegal to receive anal sex (DOUBLE JEOPARDY)
Louisiana- Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed (NO SCAT OR JAPANESE PORN PRODUCTIONS ALLOWED)
Maine- It's against the law to molest an alligator (WHAT THE FUCK?)
Maryland- It is illegal for oral sex to be given or received anywhere (EXCEPT BY PRIESTS IN THIS CATHOLIC STATE)
Massachusetts- It is illegal for a female to be on top during sexual activities (WHAT MISOGYNIST MADE THIS LAW?)
Michigan- No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison (BUT MARRIED GIRLS ARE OKAY TO CORRUPT?)
Minnesota- It is still illegal for a man who has garlic, onions or sardines on his breath to have sex with his wife (CAN ANYONE SAY "ALTOIDS"?)
Mississippi- It's illegal for a man to seduce a female by saying he will marry her (SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO GET MARRIED)
Missouri- It is illegal to have oral sex (EWWW... HARSH ONE)
Montana- You can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude (DAMN)
Nebraska- No couple may have sex unless they are wearing clean, white, cotton nightshirts (NO POLYSTER?)
Nevada- Sex without a condom is considered illegal (AND DANGEROUS)
New Hampshire- It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name (HMMM...)
New Jersy- To keep any of the incarcerated beast from picking up bad habits, the town of Manville , NJ decreed that it is illegal to feed whiskey or offer cigarettes to animals at the local zoo (I KNOW THIS ISNT EXACTLY ABOUT SEX, BUT I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF AT THIS ONE!)
New Mexico- No couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains (WHO THE HELL HAS CURTAINS IN THEIR CAR?)
New York (Staten Island)- It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior" (THIS FROM THE LAND OF THE TRANSVESTITES)
North Carolina- It is illegal to have sex in a Churchyard (BUT -=IN=- THE CHURCH IS FINE)
North Dakota- It illegal for a man and woman to live together if they're not married (WTF?)
Ohio- It is still illegal for a woman to undress in front of a picture of a man (WTF??)
Oklahoma- Has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car (ANOTHER WINNER! BUT SEX IN THE CAR IS OKAY?)
Oregon- No man may curse while having sex with his wife (SO I GUESS, "FUCK ME" IS OUT OF THE QUESTION?)
Pennsylvania- It is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth (HMMM....)
Rhode Island- Any marriage where either party is considered an idiot or a lunatic is null & void (ANYONE WHO MARRIES IS A LUNATIC!)
South Carolina- By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place (CAN WE SAY "SHOTGUN WEDDIN'?")
South Dakota- it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds in a hotel room (WHO WOULD WANT TO?)
Tennesse- In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date (ANOTHER MISOGYNIST LAW)
Texas- It's illegal to sell dildos in the state of Texas. Worse yet, having more than six dildos constitutes the intent to distribute them (HA! THIS IS ONE LAW I WOULD LOVE TO CHALLENGE!!)
Utah- It is still an offence for a woman to have sexual intercourse with a man in an ambulance. She can be charged with a misdemeanour and have her name printed in the local paper (THE MAN GETS HIGH-FIVES!)
Vermont- Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth (DURING ORAL SEX OR ALL THE TIME?)
Virginia- If one is not married, it is illegal to have sexual relations (SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT TEST DRIVING THE OLD WAZOOO!)
Washington- There is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances~including the wedding night (YOU MUST CROSS THE STATE LINE TO LOSE YOUR CHERRY)
Washington D.C.- The only acceptable sexual position. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal (BUT SMOKING CRACK WITH HOOKERS WILL HELP YOUR RE-ELECTION EFFORTS)
West Virgina- It is legal for a man to have sex with any animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs and it is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse steps (VERY, VERY INTERESTING)
Wisconsin- It is illegal for a man to fire a gun while his wife is having an orgasm (WHAT IF HE ISNT THE ONE GIVING IT TO HER?)
Wyoming- A law specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer (WELL, OKAY)
